Deer “Doo-Doo”

Standard

I’m a professional career woman. (And yes, I’m retired.) I keep wondering if this is my “just deserts” for being an elementary school principal in my other life… I mean, seriously readers, who would believe that an educated, career-minded woman would end up strategizing time in her day to pick up deer pellets scattered throughout her less than pristine yard! It has become such a joke, that I have taken to introducing myself at Frenchie author visits in this way, “Hello everyone, my name is Mary Laudien. I live in Nanoose Bay with the deer and occasionally, my DEAR (husband Ryan). Days in Nanoose are spent scooping up Bambi pellets and replanting the appetizing shrubs dined upon nightly by my horned friends. But most significantly as a designer-clad, dog-sitting grandma expert, I have a blast writing novels of puppy chaos and love.”

And what has actually occurred is that this author has become an expert as the in-house “deer ‘doo-doo’ picker-upper”. It’s sadly true; no one in the neighborhood has a system like mine.  There is technique to the “dirty deed“, so read carefully:

1. Mandatory Equipment– surgical gloves (the “doo-doo” must never touch one’s skin), a sturdy bio-degradable shopping bag lined with not one, but two paper grocery bags, a small hand shovel, a garbage can with a lid, and of course, rubber boots

2. Time your disgusting pick-up job when it is coldest and driest (firm pellets are desirable). It’s no fun picking up mush!

3. Know the paths the deer take and be cautious as you walk (“doo-doo” presents itself in several formats):

  • the buck’s pellets resemble giant logs,
  • the constipated doe’s pellets are similar to a small dog’s offering,
  • a pile of individual droppings remind one of a gigantic handful of chocolate covered peanuts,
  • a gooey mass of loose droppings has the consistency of diarrhea,
  • and most commonly found are the rambling “doo-doo” streams (that one is bound to step in while walking through the grass).

Just take a look for yourself.  Does this look like a professional woman doing something important for mankind?

 Image

Advertisements

About Mary Laudien

If you’re searching for carefree, cheeky blog sites that inspire belly laughs and tender moments from family drama and post career lifestyle choices; then please follow, FUN HAPPENS! Mary is many things (a long list…), but TODAY she’s a post innovative educator, who writes KIDLIT and humorous blog posts for “DOGGIE PEOPLE” (French Bulldog MG Series), “BOAT PEOPLE” (WHO’S the CAPTAIN? picture book), and “HAPPY/FUN PEOPLE” (Blog Posts) who relate to the amusing warmth in everyday life! PLEASE FOLLOW: FUN HAPPENS! KIDLIT & BLOGS with ATTITUDE

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s